2 out of 10
 

Werewolf Slasher Flick Without The Slashes

THE LEGEND OF WEREWOLVES is actually a very precious one to mankind. With the Bronze Age came poetry, humanity's first big leap in information technology. For the first and last time in our history, it became possible to remember of what it is to be NOT TOP OF THE FOOD CHAIN...to experience the feelings of knowing that there's a species out there, the wolf, better than us, and to whom we are no more than the value of our flesh on our bones for his next lunch. From Roman times, the obvious fear existed that one of our own kind could be one, a wolf in sheep's clothing, a human that was a wolf in disguise, the LAPIDARIUS, know as such as they believed that his clothing turns to stone when he reveals his true self. By comparison, Vampires and ghouls are the newbies on the block, with the legend of the lapidarius massively pre-dating even Christianity by nearly a thousand years, yet, nearly three millenia later, its the undead who are raking in the big bucks with almost every flick which has one wracking up fat profits at the box office, a guaranteed mini-series and a whole series of "World of Darkness" gaming manuals in their wake.

The aptly named "Cursed" does nothing to help the werewolf to return to his former glory. Centred on a laughable story about young TV executive (the fat and ugly Christina Ricci) and her high school brother being given infectious bites from a werewolf after attending to a road traffic victim, it slips quickly into almost total farce, rehashing the "Nutty Professor" line of the geek becoming a cool dude through the powers he starts gaining. With a screenplay clearly written to produce a good trailer that will "put bums on seats", this crummy drama has nothing to offer in place of reasonable plotline, missing in its centre. Like the mark of Hades, "Cursed" clearly bears all the hallmarks of EXTREME LOW BUDGET, its set in LA to avoid any need for location filming, truly appalling acting from a supporting cast who would be lucky to count 100 hours of "B"movie experience between them and every painstaking effort having been taken to evade the need for special effects 95% of the time.
Every hint of suspense is idly chucked away in an effort to pad out this worthless drivel as movie interns continue gorge our lines that would be rejected by any self-respecting comic book publisher.

Staggering from pointless, actionless scene to the next , the entire flick lacks any real logic. Consider, if you had just incinerated the love of your life in the kitchen, would you a. call the Police, b. try to bury him in the garden, c. at least feel upset or d. think about going for a pleasant stroll with your buddies? Three guesses which the central character chooses! And did that senior TV executive really expect to just use her special powers as a werewolf to liquidate publically someone she felt jealous about and still turn up at the office next day like usual? And what's all this nonsense about the marks on the hand when the legend of the lapidarius pre-dates the visions of John by about a thousand year? It makes no sense at all other than to testify to the COMPLETE LACK OF RESEARCH and TOTAL CONTEMPT for the subject by the writers.

Finished off, not with a silver bullet, but a loud snore from the audience, this tripe closes with some totally forgettable musical score. If only the celluloid had turned to stone before it had reached the cinema... I have no doubt that somewhere there\s someone up the economic food chain in Hollywood cursing "Is that all the silver we got out of them?"

Aptly Named