Clumsy Sixties Softcore Porno

Hello boys and girls!
We are the Libertinies, little girls and boys,
Make your request we'll not refuse you,
We are there just to amuse you,
Would you like a song or story?
Will you share our joys?
At work and play were more than keen,
Because we all drink gin in our Ovaltine,
We're happy girls and boys.

If you can get through the full 130 minutes to the end titles you are one, sick puppy. Reading the notes on this utter trash explains a lot. The London Stage is notorious for putting on tasteless and short-lived performances with messed up characters doing weird things in highly experimental work and, directed by the original "Essex Man," is a dead lift from the original production by Stephen Jefferys. I had thought that sexually overt stuff designed to shock us had gone out with stack heels and hippie sit-ins, but sadly, this one seems to have sneaked out the back of the trash cart.

The Yankees have seized with delight this latest attempt at self-mutilation by the English rather than showing the glories of Restoration England when men of reason like Issac Newton turned back the forces of superstition to create the foundations of our current civilization. "The Libertine" single-mindedly shows the decent into the gutter of John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester, with an endless chain of sleeze that would embarress Hugh Hefner. Seeing Johnny Depp perform the title role as his lordship, is like watching someone go straight down to the sub-basement of quality and there sledgehammer the concrete floor in a vain effort to get below zero.

Brought to you by Weinstein, the same company who were responsible for "Doogal," there really are no redeeming features to this movie with such a linear plot that would make Jenna Jamieson's latest hardcore flick look like "Gone With The Wind." All you get for your hard earned buck is just two hours of mindless tosh as the Yankee propaganda portrays the sort of sleezy amoral people who were oppressing them before their "blessed" revolution and revolt for independence and a contribution to the $10,000 the production team spent on dildoes.

When even the box office for "Alone in the Dark" and "The Fog" easily dwarf the paltry $5 million for "The Libertine" doesn't it say something about the quality? If only "Essex Man," Director Laurence Dunmore, had done less and kept to his traditional preserve.

Libertine is to art as belching is to singing

Film Critic: Robert L. Thompsett